Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
