your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
