ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
