I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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