guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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