is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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