Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
