seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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