We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
