At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
