she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
