his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
