Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
