I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
