His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
