In the future we'll all be gay
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
