Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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