i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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