Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
