My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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