I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
