I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
