so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
