Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
