My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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