btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
