dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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