You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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