there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
