Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
