please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
