Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
