Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
