We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
