The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
