Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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