it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
