I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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