Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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