Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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