You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
