the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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