Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
