You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
