I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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