Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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