We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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