I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
