I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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