Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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