Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
