I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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