Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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