Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
