No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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