she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
