Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
