so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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