you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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