Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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