what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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