At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
