Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
