so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
