Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
