Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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