At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
