well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
