Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
