she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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