I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
