Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
please don't ironically join a cult
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