Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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