Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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