Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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