I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
