please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
