I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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