too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize