I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
