Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
