My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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