you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
