He had one of those small greek statue penises
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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