the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
